i won't love you any less
by loudlovexx
Summary: AU - 10 or so years later, Dan is an indie rock musician and Blair is a reporter for Vanity Fair and they see each other for the first time as Blair is scheduled to do an interview with him.
1. Chapter 1

"Dan Humphrey?"

Dan, who was still slightly wet from his quick post-show shower and ready to move from the freezing street to his tour bus, turned hastily to face the girl and put out his hand, ready for a pen. "What do you want me to sign?" he asked, not even looking up from his phone to the girl who said his name. "It has to be quick, I'm meeting someone."

The brunette raised her eyebrows and shook her head. "Sign? I don't want you to sign anything of mine, Humphrey. Who do you think I am? A teenaged fan girl? You're supposed to be meeting me, you prick."

Dan looked up, startled to see that it was Blair Waldorf who had said his name. He was even more surprised that he didn't recognize the voice which had floated in and out of his head so often in the last ten years. Maybe it was the addition of Dan before the Humphrey which was such a rare occurrence or maybe it was that his ears were still recovering from the sound in the small venue. "Blair, I'm sorry. I thought… usually there are people hovering outside of my bus… I'm just used to barreling through."

"Yeah, I hear you have quite a reputation with your fans. Not a good one, may I add."

"I'm not into crowds."

"And yet you became a singer… a writer would have fit the lonely boy lifestyle a little better."

"Can't I be both?" he asked, raising his eyebrows and running his hand through his damp curls. "Look, it's freezing, do you want to come on the bus? And what do you mean that I'm meeting you… I'm supposed to be meeting a writer from Vanity Fair."

Blair rolled her eyes. "That's me. I'm the writer. And I would love to get off this dirty street of Brooklyn although your bus might not be any better…"

As she trailed off, Dan opened the door of the tour bus and saw that she was definitely correct. His bus was no cleaner than any street in America. It had been a late night the night before partying with the girls that followed his band into the bus. He often said no but for some reason, being home and having three shows in his home town, he had agreed to the impromptu party.

"As expected, it looks like a frat boys dream home in here," Blair took a small notepad from her purse and started to jot down notes. "I'm surprised you even got out to play," she said, stepping over an empty bottle of whiskey. "How does your head take it when you have a hang over from all of this cheap alcohol? Didn't getting money give you some taste, Humphrey?"

Dan sunk into the couch on the bus and laughed. "Money? What money? Do you know how much this bus was to rent?"

"Don't give me that. I know your record label pays for it."

"Okay, fine, but the music videos?"

"The ones you record in this very bus and pretend they are art? Low budget, if any budget. What are you wasting your money on if you can't get a cleaning crew in here after an orgy?"

Dan chose to ignore her first question and instead focused on the start of her statement, "So you've been paying attention to my career, Waldorf?" Her last name rolled off his tongue like an old friend and his brain almost begged for a reason to say it again.

"For this story, Humphrey." Blair tapped her pen against the note pad as she looked for a clear place of furniture to sit. "Am I going to get diseases from this couch? I don't even want to know what has been done on it."

"Or who."

"Gross," she clucked her tongue as she used her pen to move a piece of clothing off the couch opposite of Dan. "This is literally the worst conditions I've ever had to go in to for a story."

"Probably good you didn't become a hard hitting journalist then. I thought you worked for Vogue… doing make up reviews."

"So you've been following my career?" she cocked her head to the side and then slightly shook her head. "Not that it matters but I moved from Vogue to Vanity Fair a year ago. I've been doing mostly little stories, this is my first big one. The rise of the self made musician… or at least the myth of the self made musician. Like you, for instance. A big label backing you and you choose to make your music videos in your tour bus with a shitty camera… and yet impeccable sound. Fans get the feeling you're really connected to them but they miss the point that you are being backed by a corporation."

"Ouch," Dan said, covering where he imagined his heart to be with his hands. "When my manager pitched this story to me, this wasn't what it was pitched as."

Blair smirked, "Well, it wasn't originally going to be that kind of story. I just did some research and decided to switch it up. Rags to Riches is so cliche. How about riches to riches? Now that is something I would read."

"Then all my answers to you are going to be No Comment, Waldorf." Dan bit his lip as an electricity ran through his body after saying her last name again. Ten years and she still had this power over him. Ten years and still all his songs were about her, or if not about her, how he had felt when he was with her, when he wasn't with her and the enormous loss he felt as she chose Chuck Bass over him.

Blair shrugged and started to put her note pad away, "That's fine with me. To be honest, I had no idea I was coming to interview you until I got the call this morning. Angie was supposed to do this article but got massively sick… like Bird Flu sick… and they called me in. I can't interview anyways. I would put a spin on anything you said and my journalistic ethics won't allow me to ruin a story over you."

Dan shrugged, "So you're off the clock?"

"I mean I need to write something. I might stick around and see if I can get the headliner to talk to me."

"The ginger out there strumming on guitar and singing about his melancholic feelings about flowers? He'll definitely talk to you, he loves talking to anyone who will listen about his meteoric rise to fame, brushing over the fact his uncle owns the record company he is signed to."

"Did you call this tour "The Two Sell Outs" then?" Blair pursed her lips.

"Ha ha, Blair. I've never hid the fact I'm signed to a major label. Everything else is a creative and artistic choice I've made for the path I want to follow in my music."

Blair smiled, "I didn't even know you were an artist… or a musician… when I knew you."

"Yeah, well, you didn't know a lot about me. You knew… let's see, I was from Brooklyn, I was a semi-decent writer and I was in love with you." Dan regretted the last part as soon as he said it and looked away from her face immediately, to the floor.

"You were a better writer than semi-decent. It's what makes your songs so good, Humphrey. You have real feeling in them." Blair stood to get up, "Look, I should go. But let me talk to the editors and maybe, if we don't get you in this story, we could do a feature on you as a writer and song writer? I don't have to write it but I think you deserve a little recognition for what you do best."

"Need to get back to Bass?"

Blair raised her hands, "Do you see a ring, Humphrey?"

Dan, despite himself, smiled. "I have one more show tomorrow before we head out to Boston. Why don't you come tomorrow as a guest and not as a writer?"

She shrugged, an extremely noncommittal shrug, "We'll see."

"At least get lunch with me? I'd like to catch up."

"We'll see," she said again but reached for her notepad and scribbled down her number. "Just text me in the morning."

As Blair was climbing out of the bus, she saw a wave of blonde hair bouncing towards her. "Serena?"

"Blair! Oh my God, were you at the show? How great is Dan!"

"I actually missed it. I was here for work and it got foiled by the fact that it was Dan. What are you doing here?"

Serena smiled, her mega-watt smile that men melted for, "I always see Dan when he's in town. You know, an old friend thing…" she trailed off and nudged Blair slightly with her fist. "You know, the old friend thing."

"Yeah, I get it," Blair said, feeling a pit inside of her stomach. "You're here to sleep with him."

"Oh, come on, Blair. It's not like that. I mean… sometimes it is. It's mostly to celebrate his accomplishments. Anyways, where are you going? Why don't you stay and we can all drink?"

Blair shook her head, "I have to go. I have to find a ginger with melancholic thoughts about flowers…"

Serena scrunched up her face, "What? Never mind, it doesn't matter. Call me tomorrow! We need to get lunch or something. Maybe this week? I'm so busy with work but I would love to see you for more than three minutes outside of our mutual ex-boyfriend's tour bus." Serena smiled and reached out to Blair's arm, "It was great seeing you, B."

"Yeah, you too, S," Blair returned her smile but it didn't reach her eyes. As she walked away, she took the ring that had been in the pocket of her coat and slipped it back on her finger.


	2. Chapter 2

Blair woke up around 8 to her phone vibrating on her mattress. She turned over, careful to not disturb Chuck or her cat, to read the text message. It was from her editor, not Dan, who agreed that a profile on Dan would be great if she was unwilling to include him in the main story. Her editor, however, was thrilled that she got the headliner to agree to an interview. Blair felt her stomach sink with the realization that she would have to see Humphrey again today for the interview, when yesterday it had just been an idea that she planned on blowing off.

Now that she was up, however, she was up. Blair silently snuck out of her bed and grabbed her robe and tip toed downstairs to make coffee. She wasn't sure why she had lied about her relationship with Chuck last night, well maybe not lied but didn't completely tell the truth. Her ring had previously been off as she had gotten a manicure and hated when people touched any of her jewelry especially when it involved cheap lotion from the supermarket and she had forgotten to put it back in. To hold up her hand, however, and let Dan believe that she was divorced… she wasn't sure what came over her.

Blair took a sip of her coffee, black, and went into her office and shut the door. She took out the notes from last night and started to type out her thoughts on what she could include in the story. She had sold that, and lied again, to Dan falsely as well. It wasn't about being a sell out, although she definitely wanted to mention the portion about the uncle and the record company in regards to the headliner, but rather more of a puff piece about the rise of guys and guitars again (was it ever out of style?) and their dominance over top 40 charts. She wasn't sure why she didn't want Dan in it, or why she suggested a side column just for him… it was very unlike her.

She heard a soft rapt of knuckles on her office door and turned around. "Come in," she called, typing her robe tightly against her body.

"You're up early today, Blair." It wasn't a question and Blair met Chuck's pointed tone with silence. "I need to go to the office early and probably won't be back tonight but I wanted to see you before I left."

"You're still in your pajamas, Chuck. Are you planning to go to the office in them?" She raised her eyebrows and turned to her computer.

"No, but I didn't want to bother you twice," he said, and she could hear his footsteps as he walked towards her.

She felt his lips press against the top of her head and cringed. She knew, in fact all of Manhattan knew, that he was staying late at his office to bang his secretary. How entirely cliche, really. The boss and the secretary… what a trope. When she confronted him with it, he didn't deny it, but instead insisted that it was just strengthening his bond with Blair. To be fair, she would argue if anyone brought it up against him to her, he had been much kinder and gentler since the affair started. Was it an affair if it was a topic they just didn't bring up? And maybe that's why she had so openly lied to Humphrey, she wanted retribution. Humiliation could go both ways.

"How sweet," she said, not looking from her screen. "Well, I'll see you tomorrow then… although it was such a nice surprise to see my husband in our bed last night when I got home. What a surprise. Happy anniversary to us."

"Oh fuck," Chuck said, and she heard his fist bang the door frame of the office. "I'm sorry, Blair. Work has just been so hectic with the renovation and the new hotel… let me make it up to you this weekend. I have a gift, it's upstairs. Do you want me to get it? It's not wrapped."

Blair finally turned around, "Yes, go get it. And I'll get mine as well."

Chuck fidgeted and she knew she was playing with fire by calling him out on his lie. He was bound to erupt at some point, the affair could only mellow him for so long. "I'll bring it to you before I leave," he said through gritted teeth as he walked out of the office and closed the door. Blair knew it was the last she would see of him today, that there was no gift… in fact it wasn't even their anniversary. How foolish he would feel when he checked with the very secretary he was fucking over the date of their marriage. At least he had no plans to return home that night.

"Have a good day, baby," she called to him and returned to her computer.


	3. Chapter 3

Dan woke slowly, not daring to move in his small bunk bed in his bus. He knew that as soon as he moved, the pain would come. When Serena had shown up last night, he had planned on insisting on a quiet night between the two of them but his band had shown up soon after and it turned into madness. Shots and beers and shots and shots and shots. He didn't know when he had passed out but he wasn't sure he even made it past midnight. Dan turned his head and saw the golden mane he had once loved hanging from the bunk above him. He sighed heavily and closed his eyes again. Typical Serena. She would come every time they were in town claiming it was to see him and catch up and always ended up in the same place every visit, with the drummer on the bunk above his.

He moved his body slowly, his feet brushing the floor and he could already feel the pain in his head. It felt like pins being stuck into his skin and sticking in his brain. Dan groaned and grabbed the water bottle he kept under his bunk and started to guzzle it. He needed hydration and he needed to get out of this bus. The second was less of a need and more of a want as he didn't want to be there when Serena and Greg (the drummer) awoke and claimed that nothing happened.

Dan stumbled into the living area of the bus and was pleasantly surprised to see that at least none of the fans that had managed their way on to the bus last night had stayed the night. He fell on to the couch and reached for his phone, which had been plugged in last night as a source of music and was now completely dead. "Fuck." He was too lazy to get up and plug it into a power source and yet was oddly compelled to do this very thing from the piece of paper burning in his pocket of his jeans (he hadn't even made it out of his clothes the night before prior to passing out).

He basically crawled from one couch to the second to plug his phone in and started to close his eyes. Hearing shuffling above him, he opened one eye, keeping the other closed behind his palm. "Serena," he said, slowly and gruffly.

"Dan," she said, cheerfully. She was always so cheerful, it killed his soul sometimes. "Sorry about last night. Nothing happened, obviously."

"Yeah, yeah. Nothing happened. Funny that's the same story I think I've head for five years since having Greg in the band."

Serena rolled her eyes, "Believe whatever you want. We're just good friends."

"Serena, we've been broken up for ten years and in that ten years, have I ever gotten jealous of you sleeping with anyone? Why do you even lie about this?"

"Because his bed is over your head and it protects my dignity, Dan," she smirked. "Look, I need to go and meet my mom. Thanks for the tickets last night." Serena leaned over and kissed his forehead, "It's always great catching up with you."

"Catching up with Greg, you mean," he joked, before turning his head to look at his phone that had vibrated to let him know that it was alive again.

"Fuck you," she laughed. "Hey, what was Blair doing here last night?"

"Waldorf? Writing a story."

"That was her story as well…" she bit the inside of her cheek, a trait Dan used to fall for every time she did it. "I thought maybe she was having a much needed affair. You would have been my obvious pick to. It would piss Chuck off the most."

"Chuck?" Dan asked, rubbing his eyes. "She said… well, she implied that she's not married any more."

Serena chucked. "It's Blair. Haven't you learned to not take anything she says or does at face value? They're still married, although I don't know for how much longer."

"What do you mean?" Dan said, perking up and turning his head to her. "For how much longer? What do you mean by that?"

Serena shrugged, "It's not my story to tell. Why don't you play investigative journalist with the actual journalist and get to the bottom of the story. I'll see you later, Dan."

"See you next time Greg and I roll into town," Dan said back as a goodbye and turned again to his phone.


	4. Chapter 4

Blair had heard Chuck leave an hour ago and as expected had not come to greet her with some hidden present. She had moved quickly from her office to her bath tub and was currently soaking in a bath tub full of bubbles. She argued that she did her best thinking in the bath, but all she was thinking about was Humphrey… and the secretary her husband was currently banging.

Hearing her phones tone for a text, she wiped her hand off on the towel and grabbed her phone. "Oh fuck," she said under her breath as she read the text from an unknown number.

"Bass."

It had to be Humphrey and he had somehow managed to put pieces together. "Serena," she moaned again, sinking down into the bath.

"Humphrey, the name is Blair not Bass. Auto-correct fail?" she typed back, hitting send as her phone slipped from her hand into the bathtub.

"Fuck!" she yelled. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck."

Blair reached into the bath and pulled out her phone which was sudsy and wet, so wet. "Of fucking course," she groaned, grabbing a towel and jumping out of the bath. She knew the maid would be downstairs doing their daily once over of the house and yet she didn't care. She ran half naked, and almost killing herself in the process by slipping on a stair or two, to the kitchen. "Rice! I need rice!"

Her maid looked at her like she was crazy, shrugging her shoulders as though she didn't know Blair's pantry inside out.

"Rice!" she felt helpless and just shouted that word over and over again. Finally, a bowl appeared in front of her filled with rice and Blair shoved her phone into the bowl. "Fuck, fuck, fuck." She hit her forehead with the palm of her hand and even through the rice, she could see her phone lighting up. At least it was still working? She was tempted to take it out of the bowl but knew the rice needed to soak up the moisture and she was phone less. Her husband not knowing the date of their anniversary had been the last straw for the day and now she had been desperate for some time out of the house with an old flame and yet now she had no way to get in touch with him.

And yet, it wasn't true. Blair tightened the towel around her and was suddenly glad that she had set up her Mac to take in her text messages as well so she didn't have to keep grabbing her phone at work. Blair went into her office, her breathing slowing from the slight adrenaline rush that she had when she dropped her phone, and plopped herself into her office chair.

5 new text messages.

Was Humphrey desperate? The thought amused her and she clicked on them to read them.

"It wasn't an auto-correct. You're married still?"

"So you lied last night."

"Why?"

"Blair?"

"Okay, so maybe that wasn't a good start of a conversation. It's the hangover talking."

Blair smiled to herself, her cheeks flushing. She stood and closed the door of her office. She started typing back to him once she sat back down.

* * *

><p>Dan blew it. He had led with her lie and now he was in the dark of her thoughts. He should have eased in to it, asked at the lunch he was still planning on forcing her to attend. When his phone lit up, his worries started to melt away.<p>

"Funny, I just asked if you saw the ring. I didn't confirm or deny that I was or wasn't going home to Bass. What time is lunch, I'm starving."

Dan smiled, typing back quickly and desperately. "Now?"

"I need to get dressed. Funny story, trying to text you back I dropped my phone in my bath. You owe me a new iPhone if it doesn't work anymore."

"Rice?" he responded, laughing to himself as he tried to imagine the scene of cool, calm and collected Blair dropping her phone into a tub full of water.

"Already in it. Meet me in 30 minutes."

"Where?"

The next text message was a pin of Blair's location. He raised his eyebrows and realized he needed to get ready and fast.

* * *

><p>Blair tapped her pen against the granite counter top as she waited for the doorbell to ring. She could see Humphrey on the monitor, he had been downstairs for five minutes at least. She thought about just buzzing him in but didn't want to seem desperate and give away the fact she had been watching the monitor. Finally the bell rang and she counted to 30 very slowly before pressing the button and saying, "Come in."<p>

"Wow," Dan said, stepping in to the foyer. "This place is amazing, Blair."

"Thank you. I designed it myself. Mostly designed it myself. Well, I picked out the granite." She smiled, perching herself on the arm of her very uncomfortable but very cool looking couch. The arm digging into her rear end was more comfortable than the cushions that had no give. "It's a bit cleaner than your tour bus, so there's that."

"Hey, I would like you to know that it's not always like that. Being at home just kind of gets us going crazy. Well, me. I'm the only one from here… from Brooklyn."

"I wouldn't brag about that, Humphrey," she retorted before standing and touching his arm, guiding him from the foyer to the dining room where there was a spread of various food out in front of them. It didn't hurt having a personal chef. "I didn't know what you wanted and I didn't feel like going out."

In fact, she hadn't felt like going out since the news of the affair had found her ears. Any time she went out, she was stopped by friends or friends of friends or worse family friends. All of them pretend that they didn't know, but she could feel their pity oozing from their pores and she hated pity. At least, she hated being on the receiving end of pity.

"Sit, enjoy. Do you want a drink? Alcoholic or non?"

"Alcoholic. Whiskey, if you have it."

Blair nodded and called out for John, who was another of the staff that she and Chuck employed to keep their house running. It was embarrassing really, but she couldn't live without them as now she had no idea where anything was in her house. John came back with a bottle and two glasses and Blair brought them to the table. "I don't drink this stuff, so I guess the second glass is also for you."

"Drink with me, at least."

"I don't drink before," Blair glanced at her watch which told her it was barely 11 30, "12."

"A new policy?"

"Set up today."

"Shame," Dan said, grabbing a few ice cubes from the ice bucket and pouring himself a glass of whiskey. "Tell me about Chuck."

Blair recoiled and shook her head. "I'm the journalist here with a story to write. Tell me about Serena."

"What is there to tell?" Dan asked, confused. He took a sip and felt relief through his blood stream that he was no longer trying to nurse his hangover with water but gave it the stuff it really craved. "I used to date her. You know this, Blair. Why are you asking?"

"Last night, what was she doing there?"

"She came to hang out? Is this what the story is about. My ex-girlfriends? Are you writing yourself into the story?"

"I think you wrote a whole book about me, Humphrey."

Dan's eyes opened wide and he laughed as he swirled the ice in his drink around. "Touché."

Blair grabbed a grape from the table and popped it into her mouth. "Is she your muse?"

"Honestly, Blair, what are you talking about? She came over last night and we had fun… she's not a muse of any kind."

"You sometimes write about the fun you have with girls… is she the one you are talking about?"

Dan laughed. "You think I slept with Serena last night?"

"And every time you come to Brooklyn."

Dan laughed again and could see it was annoying Blair and forced himself to laugh harder. "You are ridiculous, Waldorf."

"She implied it last night."

"Holy shit, things don't die between the two of you."

Blair narrowed her eyes and swatted her pen at him. "What are you talking about?"

"She accused me of sleeping with you this morning. Maybe accuse is not the right word but she thought something had happened. She thought you were making up a story when you said you were there for an interview, that we were having an affair."

Blair stared at him, her jaw wide open. "Why?"

"You'd have to ask her. For the record, and you can print this in your story, I didn't sleep with Serena and I haven't for ten years."

"Then why was she there?"

Dan smirked, "You sound like a jealous girlfriend. You and Serena have a friendship that I'll never understand. You both strive to one up the other one."

"I certainly wouldn't say sleeping with you would have been a one up," Blair responded, looking away from him.

"And yet look how riled up you are, Blair."

"I'm not riled up."

"Your hands made little fists for a minute there."

"A natural reaction to be sitting across from someone I despise."

Dan laughed and took one of the finger sandwiches from the table and shoved it in his mouth. He made a circle around the food with his finger and swallowed. "Is this how you treat someone you despise?"

"Can we just get to the story?" she said, her cheeks flushing as she grabbed the wine that was on the table and poured herself a generous glass.

Dan cocked and eyebrow up, "I thought you didn't drink before noon."

Blair looked at her watch, fifteen minutes before noon. She pulled out the knob and adjusted it and shoved it in his face. "It's noon now," she said as she took a gulp.

"Fair enough. Now, fire away. Give me your best shots."

"Why music?"

"Books took too long," he joked. "No, I don't know. Maybe the passion of my father finally rubbed off and I found that I had a semi-decent voice and all these dumb poems I wrote made semi-decent songs."

"Is semi-decent your favorite description of things you do?"

"Yes. It sounds humble and yet acknowledges that I know my stuff isn't all bad."

"It's not bad at all," she said, softening. Taking a sip of her wine, she started to rattle off questions that Dan easily answered. He was a pro, he had been doing interviews for the last 8 years of his life after his first CD was a critical, if not a wide selling, success. After forty minutes, the pair of them were decently sloshed from the drinking and both were enjoying the back and forth banter that would never transfer over to page.

"Who's your muse, Humphrey?" Blair asked, pointing at him. "Do you have a secret girlfriend? Maybe secret boyfriend? Who helps you write all these beautiful songs. Beautifully tragic, really. Who broke your heart and then mended it and then stomped on it?"

Dan bit his lip and shrugged, "They're just songs, Blair. They aren't about any person in particular. Just all of my experiences rolled into one, I guess." He lied. He was lying through his gritted teeth but he didn't want to tell her it was her. That a relationship that lasted barely more than a blink of the eye dictated the rest of his life.

"When are you going to write another book? Preferably not about me this time so I can enjoy it more."

"I thought you enjoyed your starring lead in my book," he gave her a half smile and looked from his glass to her eyes. Both of them quickly looked away and Dan cleared his throat. "I'm working on something… I'm not sure what it is yet but it's something. Maybe a book of poems or songs… maybe combine them into a cohesive tale."

"About?"

"Love… loss… heartbreak… the usual."

"Well, hopefully it has a happy ending."

"Does life?"

"Does life what?" she asked.

"Have a happy ending?"

"I don't know. Mine is still going."

"So is mine. I can't figure out if it's a happy going though.

"Me either," Blair said softly, pushing her glass away from her. "I should probably start typing this and my interview from last night up. This is all getting too heavy for a Saturday."

Dan smiled sadly, "Yeah, I should probably go. We have our final soundcheck. Maybe on our third show we can finally get it right."

"I want to go… to the show… if the offer is still on the table."


	5. Chapter 5

Blair stood looking from the side of the stage as Dan put his heart on the stage with his songs. His lyrics were a somber look at love and the loss of it and she, in that moment, felt a deeper connection with the meaning than ever before. Chuck, predictably, had sent a stream of nasty messages to her phone (well, for the time being, her computer) about how she was a liar about their anniversary and how dare she make a fool out of him. Buried in his tirade was also the new fact that he was coming to get a bag and heading to Paris for a week for a possible expansion of Bass hotels, which she knew was code for a week long vacation with his mistress.

Despite the failing of the marriage and the crumbling pieces around her, she was still enraged by the fact that he openly dangled the affair in front of her. It was like he was daring her to say anything, daring her to ask to be out of it. She wasn't sure if he would fight for her, he liked his reputation as a family (at least marriage) man, but she also wasn't sure if she wanted him to. And as she stood at the side of the stage, she was becoming less and less sure that she could deal with the kind of heartbreak that divorce gave her. It was the lyrics, the breaking of the soul through the music, that convinced her that regardless, she would stay married. She didn't deal with loss well.

She started to clap for Dan as he said to the crowd that it was their last song for the evening and their last song in Brooklyn for at least the time being. She could hear the fans boo at the news and she felt a bit proud to be there as his personal guest.

"So, I need to tell a quick story before I get into the last song. Arguably the happiest song we have as a band. Usually we play it at the beginning of the show, but we wanted to switch it up for you tonight." Dan looked at the side of the stage when he had said you and Blair felt her heart flutter before he turned away and she felt like the little boy on the drums in Love Actually. "Usually we play the show as the relationship that I sing about went, from happy to this all consuming loss. I think things are looking up for me, for us, lately that I wanted to have that optimistic song about love come last. I love you Brooklyn, you know. I love being home. This song was originally a poem that I scribbled down not to far from here when I started a relationship with this girl. I usually say all my stories, all my songs, are a combination of relationships and experiences I've had but… that's not the truth. I lied today and I lie most of the time when I say that. It's embarrassing, you know, basing all these albums on a relationship that failed but I carry it with me because it was the one… and I'm sure anyone who's ever been in love and had their hearts pulled out of their bodies by another's hand has felt this. The relationship you look back on and say what if, and that's what it's like for me. But hopefully, you know, hopefully just because it happened once and ended doesn't mean it can't happen again and stick. Even in the most unlikely circumstances… like me, sitting up here, telling someone in the audience that all of this, all of what I sing and write… all of it is for them. So let's end this on a high, Brooklyn. Let's sing about falling in love and not worrying about the breaking the heart part. Let's be optimists for the last 3 minutes and thirty seconds of the set, even though we know the ending. Let's just forget it and fall in love."

Blair scanned the crowd for Serena or maybe even Vanessa and saw no familiar face in the sea of the audience that was swaying along. It hit her like she would expect what it would feel like to have a brick hit her… hard and fast and she felt sick. "No," she whispered to herself as she turned to leave. She wasn't going to be humiliated by Humphrey in Brooklyn.

When she got outside, Blair felt her breath catch as the cold air hit her. She pulled her coat tight to her body and started to look for a cab. How dare he. How utterly maddening to sit there and listen to that, that rant, that lie. Blair raised her hand and tried to find the familiar yellow cars that were so prominent in the middle of Manhattan. Giving up, and not really wanting to sit in the dirty taxi, she dialed a car on her phone, which happened to be working semi-fine for the time being, and propped herself on the brick wall of the venue.

"Who do you think the girl is?" she hear some tween squeal as she walked by her, arm in arm with her friend."

"I don't know, but she is so lucky. Could you imagine having a song about you, let along albums? Maybe they're getting back together!"

Blair wanted to shout at them or kick them or something, but she remained stubbornly silent. She heard the door from which she came out of open and shut.

"Blair," she heard Dan say her name and she looked away. "Blair," he said again and she bit down, hard, on her lip. "Come on, Blair."

"What the fuck was that, Dan? Did you bring me here to humiliate me?"

Dan looked hurt or maybe he was still drunk from before, "What are you talking about? Humiliate you?"

"That, inside, was humiliating."

"For me? Yeah."

"No, you asshole, for me. To have to listen to that. To know that I made you feel all that shitty shit and broken hearted and fuck. That was awful. Do you think thats flattering? Do you think I want to know that all your sob stories that you write about were inspired by me? That I ripped your heart out of your body with my blackened hand and my black heart and," while Blair was shouting into the black of the night, she hadn't noticed Dan step closer to her and suddenly his hands were around her waist and his lips were pressing against hers and she felt herself kissing him back. Madly, passionately, desperately.

Dan pushed her against the wall of the venue and Blair felt the bricks digging into her skin despite her heavy winter coat. Blair wrapped her arms around his neck, her fingers digging into his curls as she pulled him closer to her.

"Get a room," a male voice called and Dan pulled away giving the finger to his drummer. "No, seriously, either get a room or board the bus. Davin wants to drive now so he can have a normal night sleep so we need to go."

Dan sighed, untangling himself from Blair's limbs as she tried to collect herself. "I'll be there in five."

"That's fine. I have to go collect Marvin from the Milf he took to the green room."

Dan rolled his eyes and waved Greg away. "I need to go," he said, his voice low and husky as his fingers brushed the side of Blair's face.

"Yeah, I heard," she said, trying to slow down her breathing and sound calm at the same time. "This, this shouldn't have happened anyways."

Dan nodded, "Yeah, but it did. And at least now I have new material to write about."

Blair laughed and hit him lightly on the shoulder. "Your soul crushing stuff is better than your happy things so maybe you should leave this out."

Dan smiled, the kind of smile that reached your eyes, and leaned in to breath in the smell of her. Lavender and clean laundry, that's what she smelt like and it smelt like home. Or at least it smelt like what he wanted home to be. "About your rant… I'm sorry if you took it like that. Really, you stomping on my heart gave me so much material."

She bit her lip and looked away, "I don't think I stomped on it."

"You chased Chuck across the world and then married him."

"Yeah, well, look at how far that got me."

"Maybe you should write about it. We could tour together," he said, putting both his hands on the sides of her face. "I don't really want this to be a one off, Blair."

Blair shrugged, "I think it has to be, Humphrey. I'm married," she said, holding up her hand and wiggling her ring finger.

"Unhappily."

"And that's life," she said, pushing him gently away from her. "Look, you should go and I should get home."

"That's it?" he asked, his arms wide to the side of him and he looked at the sky. "That's it?"

"What do you want from me, Humphrey? To leave Chuck for this life on the road? We can get drunk every night and commiserate on our shared misery."

"Well, when you put it that way," Dan threw his hands to his side and shook his head. "This is something, Blair. You can feel it, I know you can."

"No, what I can feel is that I'm mad at my husband and this is the wrong way to get back at him. We need to grow up, Dan. All of us. This, this is a step back."

"Or a step forward."

"For you. For new song material."

"No, Blair. That's not it. I love you."

"No, Dan," she snapped back. "You loved me. You love the idea of me. You love twenty year old me. You don't even know me anymore. This day isn't us knowing each other, it's us being stupid."

"You won't even let yourself give it a chance."

Blair saw the black car pull up to the curb and started to walk towards it. "No, I won't, because I'm not a stupid twenty year old anymore. I'm married, Dan, and whatever that was," she pointed to the wall, "was me regressing, not progressing. I need to go, my car is here. And you need to go to Boston."

"Blair," he called out again, his face crest fallen.

"What?" she said, turning around as the wind whipped her hair back and forth.

"Thanks for the inspiration," Dan said, pretending to tip his hat to her.

Blair frowned as she climbed into the backseat of the car, "Bye, Humphrey."


	6. Chapter 6

"Stop the bus," Dan said, standing up from the couch he had plopped himself on. He had taken out a notebook when Blair had left him on the street corner and had scribbled down thoughts, phrases, anything to get what he was feeling (utterly rejected and used) down on a piece of paper. His thoughts were racing, but one kept coming to the forefront of his mind: he had to see Blair. Not tomorrow, not a year from now, not another ten years… he had to see her, and he had to see her right now. "Davin, seriously, pull over and stop the bus," Dan said, walking to the front where his driver sat. "I'll find my way to Boston, I have something I need to do."

"Ooooo," Greg called from his spot on the couch. "Are you going to have more make out sessions with that tight wound brunette at our show tonight?"

Dan didn't turn around but instead just raised his middle finger to the drummer. "Davin, I know Brookyln so anywhere you drop me, I'll be okay. I'll take the Amtrak or something in the morning."

"Dan," Davin said, hesitating before pulling the bus to the side of the road. They hadn't gone far from the venue, but Dan already felt as though something inside him was tearing as they pulled away from Brooklyn and from her. Damn that Blair Waldorf.

Dan kissed the head of his bald driver and smiled as he gathered some of his things. He didn't get grab a change of clothes, just his phone, his wallet and the piece of paper where he scribbled down Blair's address earlier. "I'll see you all tomorrow. And if I don't arrive-"

Davin interjected, "You better be there. This is my job on the line if you don't get there safely."

"You ruined the joke, Davin. I was going to say just have the lights dim and play my CD. I'll be there, I promise. I just need one more night in this city." Dan opened the door of the bus and stepped off into the fresh air. "See you in Boston," he said, giving a salute to the driver before closing the door and walking along the shoulder of the road for a bit. He didn't know why he didn't just ask the bus to bring him to Manhattan, to the Upper East Side, to Blair, but now that he was outside, he was glad for the fresh air.

It made him rethink his crazy plan. Plan? Idea. Not quite solid as a fully formed plan, more like an idea that he had that he was hastily acting on. And now that he was breathing in the cold air, he started to panic. Dan couldn't exactly turn back, the bus was already driving away, but he could go to his Dad's or back to the venue and hitch a ride with the headliner. No, he shook his head and tried to shake off his inner monologue. No, he was going to do this. He was going to put his heart on the line and knock on Blair's door and try to get her to see him as a viable option instead of Chuck Bass, instead of a marriage where she was being pushed to the side.

* * *

><p>Blair took a sip of the wine that she poured and covered her legs with the comforter on her bed. She was going crazy, viably insane, completely lost it. What was she, Blair Bass, doing making out with Dan Humphrey in Brooklyn of all places? Did she have no respect for herself?<p>

She reached for her phone, scrolling through her contacts before coming to Chuck's name. Blair almost scrolled by before hitting his name and typing up a new message.

"Are you sure you can't come home tonight?"

Hitting send, she closed her eyes as she took a gulp of her wine. Why was she torturing herself? She did this every time he claimed that business was taking him away from their home for a night. The begging him to come back, to be her husband, and yet it never worked. She heard the buzz of her phone against her palm and she looked at the screen. She let out a sigh as she saw the familiar answer.

"You know I want to but I can't tonight. I'll be home as soon as I can in the morning."

Blair thought that the last thing she knew was that he wanted to come home. In fact, she was certain that if Chuck had his way lately, he would never have to come home to his needy wife who barely asked for much these days but when she did ask, it was too much.

"I know," she typed and hit send. "I just am lonely and wish you were here."

His reply was fast, "You know I love you. I need to pay attention to this meeting though. I'll make it up to you."

With that, Blair placed her phone on her bed next to her and cursed at herself for being so dumb. Her dad left her mom for another and now her husband, she was sure, was going to leave her for another. It was a pattern. When other's put on health sheets that diabetes or cancer ran in their families, she would have to write divorce. The Waldorf women were programmed to get divorced, she would write down. We are made for monogamy, minus a make out in Brooklyn, and the people we choose to love and be with are not.

Blair felt a tear falling from her eyes and soon could taste the salty moisture on her lips. She hadn't cried in so long, according to her count, and she wasn't positive if she was crying for her marriage or the fact that she had someone standing in front of her claiming to loved her for ten years and she let him go for an empty bed. She heard the doorbell ring and waited for someone on the staff to get it, before realizing that it was after dark and they were all home with their families. What they must think of her marriage, she thought as she threw the comforter off of her and put on her slippers. They must all whisper about her when they leave, how her husband is home so little and how she pathetically waits for him to love her again.

She took the steps two at a time, holding her glass in one hand and the railing of the stairs in the others. "Coming," she called, wondering who possibly was knocking at her door at this time on a Saturday night. Nate, she figured, would be off with model of the month on some sort of date and he was the only one she could think of who might possibly be knocking on her door. Ever since he got wind of the affair Chuck was having all over the city, he had been around more to try and make sure that Blair was okay. He didn't mention why he was showing up more frequently with lunch in hand, but Blair knew. She knew everyone knew and were tip toeing around her and the subject.

Blair swung the door open and was taken aback by the face that she saw when her eyes adjusted to the dark of the night.

"Humphrey?"


	7. Chapter 7

"Humphrey," Blair said, breathlessly as she took in the sight. It had started lightly snowing since the last time she had saw him and he had flakes of white in his hair. "What are you doing here?"

Dan's eyes searched her face as he bounced slightly on his toes, "I just, I don't know. I thought it was a good idea when I stopped the bus and realized that this is probably a terrible, horrible, awful idea and yet I'm here."

Blair bit her lip as she leaned against the doorframe, crossing her arms for warmth, "Yeah, but that doesn't explain what you are doing here."

He laughed, "No, I guess it doesn't." Dan tried to crane his neck to see past her. "Is your husband home?" Blair shook her head in response and he continued, "Then can I come in? It's fucking freezing out here and I didn't grab gloves or anything warm besides my jacket before I came here instead of to Boston."

She nodded, still stunned from the sight of him and pushed herself against the wall so he could get by. "Yes, of course, sorry," she told him, closing the door. "Do you want something to drink? Eat? Do you want a blanket? Warm clothes?"

"I was just out there for a moment," he assured her, "I don't think I'm going to get frostbite but perhaps a drink? I need to get my nerves back."

Blair silently nodded before leading him to her living room and went back to the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of red and another wine glass. "Here," she said, giving him the bottle and the glass before perching herself on the arm of a couch. "I hope that it's okay," she said, pointing to the wine. "I didn't want to go to the downstairs for any other option."

Dan held up the wine to the face and read the label, pretending he knew anything about wines and nodded. "Oh, no, this was a terrible year for Cabernet." Blair looked crestfallen and started to stand before Dan started to laugh. "I'm kidding, Blair. All wines taste the same to me besides if they are white or red."

"I have white upstairs, if you want that. I thought it was a bottle instead of a glass kind of night," Blair rambled on, starting to stand once again. Having Dan in her living room after what had happened only an hour before felt wrong and she was fidgeting and looking for any way out to collect her thoughts because she wasn't sure if what she felt was rage at the audacity of the move or pleasure that he was this desperate for her. Although, maybe, she thought, he was coming here to yell at her like she had in the street. Maybe this was a calling of revenge instead of love.

"Please sit, Blair," Dan said. "This is honestly fine. I'm not hard to please with alcohol."

Blair nodded, closing her mouth and perching once more on the arm of the couch. "Why are you here, Dan?" she asked, her voice soft, slightly louder than a whisper but definitely not at the level of normal conversation. "I thought I told you that I couldn't do… whatever that was."

"You did," he agreed, clasping his hands out in front of him and looking down. Dan wasn't sure he would be able to say what he wanted to if he was looking at her, like how he aimed his speech that night to the crowd and not to Blair. There was something about her that made him weak. He was, admittedly, good with words but all of them seemed to lose their meaning when he was in the presence of Blair. Was it love that did it or complete and utter stupidity? He wasn't sure. "And that's fine, but I just felt… I don't know, that we were unfinished."

Blair scrunched up her face, "If you mean that we didn't have sex, then I think you are going to leave completely disappointed.

"No," Dan started. "Not that, not the making out leading anywhere kind of unfinished. I just, I don't know how to describe it. I saw you last night and something that I didn't even know was dead inside of me roared to life. This," he looked down at his hands, "life has been crazy. I meet so many people, Blair, so many people, and I don't want to see most of them ever again."

"Are you comparing me to a one night stand, Humphrey?" she asked, eyebrows raised as she lifted her glass. "Am I supposed to be lucky for you not wanting me to be a one night stand?'

"Blair, that's not it," he argued, his voice slightly raising as he tried to vocalize what he felt. "It's going to sound so corny and fake but I feel this magnetic pull when I'm around you to you. Maybe you feel it with Chuck, I don't know, but it's as if I found something that I want to stick to. I meet so many people, and I don't mean it as I sleep with so many people because I genuinely mean that I just meet all these different people. It's part of the job. But there's not anyone that I've met in the last ten years that I felt like I was missing something when I didn't see them again. But I feel that I'm missing something without you. Like theres a hole in my soul somewhere that gets plugged when you're around." Dan took a deep breath and raised his eyes from his hands to her face. He scanned her face for any recognition of what he was saying and when he saw none, he stood. "Look, it's probably this one sided thing. I get it, you're married and you're willing to work on that to stay married… I just felt I couldn't leave New York without trying to amend how we ended it on the street."

Blair was silent, trying to soak in all of his words like a sponge.

"I'll see myself out," Dan said, setting his glass down on the table and raising his arms like he was a criminal and she was the cop. "Forgive me, Blair, for all of this. For the mess I just made. I don't know what I was thinking coming here."

As he walked out of the room, Blair snapped out of the trance she was just in. "Humphrey," she called, putting her glass down on the table and practically running out of the room. She saw him, mid reach towards her front door, and he turned to her. "Humphrey… Dan, I mean. I-" she stopped, looking at the ceiling, trying to reach for words. "I know that feeling you just described," she finally got to as he started to take strides to her. "I don't think I knew before tonight, but," she stopped as Dan paused inches away from her. She lowered her voice and looked to the side, "I think there are things missing from my life and tonight, tonight just proved it further, I guess." For someone who writes as a living, she was no good at voicing her thoughts. She wish she could pause the situation, go to her office, write a few drafts and come back when she memorized the finished product. "I felt like my soul got lighter tonight. I felt that hole you described shrinking."

Dan placed his hand on the side of her face and turned her head so they were looking at each other. "Blair, you were right before. I am in love with 20 year old you, 20 year old stubborn you who made me watch the same movies over and over again while on the phone with each other, but the woman that I'm looking at doesn't look or seem much different than that girl."

"You still don't know me, Dan," she said, a slight whine was laced in her words.

"So let me get to know you, Blair," he said, his fingers dancing on the fabric of her pajamas on her back. "I'm not saying leave Chuck for me right now, but let me try. Give me a fighting shot before rejecting whatever this could be."

Blair nodded, "What if it's not you that needs to do the fighting, Dan? I don't think I deserve whatever this could be."

Dan wrinkled his nose and she mimicked the motion. "Don't say that. You deserve the world, Waldorf. I don't think I can deliver it to your doorstep but I could definitely get you at least a little bit of Australia."

She laughed, pressing her body against his. "Are you sure you meant to knock on my door and not Serena's?"

"Damn, you are completely right. How did I miss that you weren't her? I need to go," he joked, starting to pull away. "This was just the rehearsal."

Blair rolled her eyes, tugging at his sleeve to pull him back to her. "She can wait."

"She can," he agreed, letting his fingers move from her cheek to her chin and raising her face to his so he could kiss her. The kiss was less manic than the one they shared outside the venue but it carried the same amount of passion and lust as before.

Blair pulled away, "I can't do this." She looked at him, his face scrunched up and confused. "I mean the this part of whatever we are doing. I can't be the physical cheater that Chuck is. I need at least that to carry over his head."

Dan nodded, "I don't really understand or get it, but okay. We don't have to do anything, Blair," he said, nuzzling his forehead into the crook of her shoulder. "But is this okay?"

She pressed her face against his head, "Yes," she murmured into his hair. "I think this is okay."

* * *

><p>Blair heard the shade on her bedroom window snap open and she opened her eyes quickly, taking in the sight of her husband standing in the doorway of her, no their, bedroom.<p>

"Blair, what is Dan Humphrey doing on our couch?"


	8. Chapter 8

"He's my new secretary," Blair said, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. "Isn't he just gorgeous?" Chuck looked as though he wanted to break something and before that desire turned physical, Blair started to speak again. "I'm just joking," she said, emphasizing the last word. "He was my unwilling interview subject last night for a piece that Vanity Fair commissioned. It got late and his bus had already left, so he stayed over. It's not a big deal."

Blair was surprised how easily the lies were rolling off her tongue. She had been a master of lies and truth spinning in high school and it looked like those skills were not lost.

"How was your night?" she asked, sitting up in her bed and hanging her feet over the side. "Productive? You look super tired. Maybe you should get some rest."

Chuck opened his mouth to speak and closed it again. He walked over to her, sitting on the bed, and rested his forehead on her shoulder. It took all she had to not recoil at the touch. Now that she knew what it looked like for someone to love you for ten years, the motions her and Chuck went through recently all seemed extra fake and put on. "You're going to kill me," he said, mumbling the words into her arm.

"I'm sure I won't go that fair," she said, putting her hand on the back of his head. "If I haven't murdered you yet, I don't think it's going to happen."

"I have to go to London for a week," he said, bringing his head off her shoulder and looking at her. "Something came up with the expansion into London and it needs my immediate attention."

"What do you mean? Immediate attention? How immediate?" Blair looked at him, searching his face for a sign that he was kidding.

Chuck sighed, nestling his head into the crook of her neck. He kissed her skin, bringing his lips from the collar bone to her jaw before pulling away. "As in today. I need to pack and then I need to leave."

"Are you lying, Chuck?" she asked, pulling away. "Who's going on this trip?"

"I'm not lying. We got the call urgently this morning that I needed to be there for the deal to go through."

"Then why do you need to be there a week?"

"Just in case, Blair," Chuck said. "If anything goes wrong, I don't want to have to pay for the change fee for a new ticket home."

She narrowed her eyes. "Who is going?"

"Just a few people. Only the essentials."

"Essentials? Who?"

"Martin, Crowley, and Tanya."

Blair stood, disgusted that she let him even touch her after an obvious night with the secretary and now she was positive that he was making a work trip into a mini break for him and his lover. "Why don't I come with you?"

Chuck looked down, "Blair. It's for work. It would be boring for you."

"Oh, I'm sure I can find things to do in London, Chuck. I could go shopping, maybe see some shows."

"I don't want to be distracted," he countered.

Blair rolled her eyes, "And tell me again, how is your secretary an essential?"

"Well, I need her to tell me when the meetings are," he said, tugging at the collar of his shirt. He was getting nervous. They never got this far into saying the truth of the matters and the pair of them were both on edge about it. They liked to dance around the subject, tip toe around what Chuck was really doing half of the time he had a late night in the office. Blair thought that he could have gotten around her finding out since he did have a lot of actual late nights in the office but keeping the affair behind closed doors just wasn't good enough for him. He and Tanya, the secretary, had been spotted out having dinner and strolls in the park, hand in hand. Blair was glad Gossip Girl wasn't around anymore to put her marriage on blast.

She nodded, slowly. "Yes, that sounds completely essential. It's not like there are phones or computers to tell you when to have your meeting." Blair was talking slowly, emphasizing every word as she did when she got into a rage. "Explain to me, Chuck, how neither Martin nor Crowley need their secretaries. Is Tanya doing all three of you? I mean, doing the work for all three of you." She cocked her head to the side and smiled at him, "You know, I bet I could manage your schedule."

Chuck stood, putting his hands out to her and she dodged them. "Blair, be reasonable."

"Reasonable?" she said, her voice getting louder. "Don't you think I've been reasonable enough, Chuck?"

"Blair, we have guests," he said, reaching out to her again and she swatted his hand away. "Maybe we can discuss this later."

Blair scoffed. "Later? What later, Chuck? You're leaving for London. Do you want me to stew on this for a week? And I don't give a fuck if Dan can hear us. He already knows, Chuck. Everyone in this fucking city knows."

"Knows what?" Chuck asked, challenging her to say the words. A part of her was wondering if he wanted her to say them to relieve himself of some guilt that he felt, so it would be out in the open. She wouldn't give him that satisfaction.

"That you are a mother fucking prick."

Chuck nodded, stepping back from her. "I don't know what has gotten into you, Blair. I need to get ready though and, unfortunately, can not continue this silly argument."

Chuck turned his back to her and Blair lunged for the closest pillow and hurled it as his head. "Don't turn your back on me, Chuck Bass. I'm Blair fucking Waldorf and I'm not going to be treated by you as some common whore. I'm your wife." Blair spun the ring around her finger before removing it.

Blair placed her ring on the bedside table before Chuck grabbed her wrist, "Put that back on, Blair." His voice was low, threatening. "Don't make me look like a fool in front of Dan Humphrey."

"What's one person when you made me look like a fool in front of the entire city," Blair spat back, twisting her wrist out of his grip. "I'm sure Tanya has some clothes for you, Chuck. I think you should go."

Chuck walked backwards. "This isn't us, Blair," he said, his voice low and pleading now.

"I'm not sure what us really is anymore, Chuck," she said, her voice lowering. "I think you should leave and when you come back from London, maybe we should discuss some things."

"Like what?"

"Like this. Our marriage. If we should be married."

Chuck looked stunned and hurt. "What are you saying? Do you want a divorce?"

Blair bit her lip, "I- I don't know, Chuck."

He stepped towards her, reaching for her arm but this time his grip was gentle. "Blair, I love you. You know that, right?"

"I know," she nodded, "but what if it isn't enough?"

* * *

><p>Blair heard a small knock on her door and she jumped, covering her heart from the scare. She had forgotten Humphrey was even there. Chuck had left swiftly after their argument, grabbing only a couple of things from his closet, and she had spent the rest of the time silently crying in her bed. "Come in," she said, sniffling.<p>

"Blair, I need- Are you okay?" he asked, his face scrunched up in confusion. Blair took it that he slept through the fight. Dan walked towards the bed, and Blair moved her legs so that he could sit.

Blair wiped away a stray tear as she looked at him, "I don't know what I'm doing." She started to sniffle loudly again and Dan wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to his chest. "I don't know what this is, I don't know what my marriage is… it's just so much."

Dan ran his hand over her head and through her hair. "Hey," he said, soothingly, "hey, it's okay." Dan pressed his chin on her head and ran his other hand over her back. "It's okay, Blair."

Blair sniffled against his shirt, "I'm sorry, Dan. I just… Chuck came home and just left for a week long trip in London with his mistress and I don't even know why I care."

"Because you love him," Dan responded softly.

"I wish I didn't sometimes, Dan," she said, looking up at him and pulling away. She felt guilty, not, for laying out her problems with someone that she had, just the night before, been talking about potentially letting whatever was between them come to the surface. "I wish it was easier, that I could tell him to go fuck off and ask for a divorce."

Dan shook his head, "You don't have to explain it to me, Blair."

Blair fell back on her pillows, "I'm pathetic."

"No you're not," he said, standing. "You have a heart and sometimes this is what happens."

"Do you hate me?"

"I could never," he said, sadness seeping into his voice. He leaned over and kissed her on the forehead, "Be well, Blair. I need to go. I booked an Amtrak to Boston last night."

Blair nodded, "I wish you could stay."

Dan shook his head, "It's probably better that I'm leaving. Gives you time to clear your head."

Dan turned to walk out of the room before Blair called out his name again. "Be in touch, okay? I still think I want a little piece of Australia you promised me."

"I'll let you take the reigns, Blair," he told her. "I don't want to mess anything up."

* * *

><p>Blair sat there feeling sorry for herself for a little while before forcing herself to snap out of it. Fuck Chuck Bass, she told herself. If he could parade the world with his mistress, then why should she care about propriety? She grabbed her phone and sent a text to Dan.<p>

"How's the train? As comfortable as my couch?"

"Ah, Blair Waldorf. Full of surprises. I was thinking it would be another ten years until I spoke with you."

"Besides Boston, what are your shows this week? I could use a little vacation."


	9. Chapter 9

Blair stood in her closet a few days later, trying to decide what to pack for her quick trip to Connecticut to see Dan as he was playing at Mohegan Sun, when she heard a noise in her bedroom. She turned sharply and her toe got stuck in a strap of a shoe in the closet and she fell to the floor. "Ow," she complained, as she saw feet walk towards her. Blair looked up, "What are you doing home, Chuck?"

Chuck looked horrible, to tell the truth, and he looked down at her and extended his arm out to help her up. "I needed to be with you," Chuck said, pulling her up to her feet. Blair rubbed at her knees instead of looking at him. "I couldn't stop thinking about you when I was over there. I felt like I was losing you, I don't want to lose you."

Blair looked up him, genuinely surprised at the level of emotion in Chuck's face. "What about your business trip?"

"It ended quicker than I thought it would have," he said, and she could tell he was lying. It ended right on time, he had just decided to forgo the extracurriculars he had previously planned. "And all I could think of was how I wanted to go home to my wife and profess how sorry I am for everything I've done."

"And what," she challenged him, "exactly have you done?"

"I haven't been a good husband," Chuck said, looking down. "I broke the vow to stay loyal to you and I feel like a complete and utter idiot about it."

Blair wasn't sure what she thought she was going to feel when Chuck finally admitted his affair to her. Relief? Pain? Instead she just felt anger, mostly by the way he flippantly added the part about feeling like an idiot. He didn't get to feel like an idiot, only she did. He had made the conscious choice and he should be owning it. "With who?" she said, narrowing her eyes and stepping away from him. "How many people?"

"Just one… with Tanya," Chuck said and then seemed to be thinking. "And, okay, if we're putting it all out there there have been a few here and there over the years but they meant nothing, Blair. No one compares to you."

Blair nodded, turning back to the clothes in her closet. "You should have stayed in London, Chuck. I have plans in Connecticut."

"What could you possibly be doing in Connecticut?"

"I'm going to go see Humphrey's band. Serena is coming with me."

"So you did fuck him the other day," Chuck said and Blair knew it wasn't a question but an accusation.

She whipped around and raised her finger to him, digging it into his chest, "You don't get to say that, Chuck Bass. You don't get to accuse me of things after you just admitted to sleeping around on me. But, for the record, I didn't sleep with him. I wanted to, but I didn't. I have too much respect for the sanctity of marriage to fuck people while still married to you."

"Then you're going there to fuck him?" he responded, his voice getting louder. "Revenge sex, Blair? I thought we were over these games and I thought you had better taste than Dan Humphrey. If you want to get revenge, at least choose someone in the same atmosphere of me."

Blair laughed, "You are incredible, Chuck. You come in here like a sad little boy professing you love me and how you messed up and you change so quickly." She snapped to show her point, "You wear so many masks. I don't even know who you are anymore. Do you know who you are?"

"I'm your husband," he responded.

"Were. I'm having my lawyers draft the papers now for divorce. Irreconcilable differences."

"Over Dan Humphrey?" Chuck said, laughing cruelly. "Pathetic. You think he can make you happy, Blair?"

"No, Chuck. This isn't about Dan, how many times do I have to say that for you to get it. This is about us. I'm not happy with you anymore, Chuck. You don't make me happy. I don't know if Dan can but it certainly can't be worse than this stalemate that we've been living in and calling our marriage." Blair turned from him as she found a shirt she wanted and started to fold it, dropping it into her suitcase. "Chuck," she said, her voice softening, "neither of us are happy. You can admit it. You go and seek other people to have sex with and I let it happen, hoping you would grow out of it. You never did. You always need something new and I'm never going to be enough for you."

Chuck reached out for her and Blair, surprising herself, let herself be pulled to him. He wrapped his arms around her, kissing the top of her head and Blair let out a heavy sigh into his chest. "You're enough for me," he protested. "I promise you you're enough. It's me. I'm just fucked up in the head."

Blair wrapped her arms around his body. She still loved him and expected that she would always, in a way, love him. "I know, Chuck, but I can't be on the sideline of my own life anymore. I need to put my happiness first and it's been a long time coming."

"We can do therapy," he said, his voice straining at the thought. "We can work on this."

"I don't want to," she admitted. "It's too much, Chuck. It's too much pain that I'll never be able to get over. I can't trust you anymore, do you get that? You ruined the foundation and now the house can't stand."

"I love you, Blair," he said, and Blair was certain she felt a tear, not her own, fall on to her cheek.

"I know, Chuck. I know you do. It's just not good enough to love someone if you can't treat them with love and respect."

* * *

><p>"So you and Dan?" Serena said, looking from the road briefly at Blair who was sitting in the passenger seat of Serena's car. The only reason Blair had agreed to go to the show with Serena was because of the car.<p>

"It's not like that," Blair protested. "I mean there's something, but I can't really be with anyone right now. I need to be by myself."

"So why are you going to the show?"

"To tell him that," she replied, looking out the window. "And because I enjoy the music and need to get out of my apartment. I can't be around Chuck when he's crying, it makes me too sad."

"He's crying?" Serena asked.

Blair nodded, "I mean, I've cried too about it but I guess I've come to terms that our marriage was beyond repair a long time ago. I don't think Chuck saw it that way until I said I was drafting the divorce papers. I think he thought I would always be there."

"I didn't see you two getting divorced."

"Yeah, well, I didn't see myself getting divorced either but I can't be the wife that turns a blind eye to her husband's constant infidelity. I want to be happy. I'm sick of being miserable."

"Well, good for you," Serena said, reaching over and patting Blair's hand. "And good choice of rebound with Dan. You know he's crazy about you, right?"

"How do you know that?" Blair turned her head from the window to Serena.

Serena shrugged, turning the music slightly up, "Do you think I thought all these songs were about me, B? If they were, I'd be fucking Dan and not the drummer." Blair laughed and once she did, Serena started laughing with her. "Don't rush it, B. Give yourself time to heal before jumping into anything with Dan. He's a sensitive soul," she said, putting her hand over her chest and giggling.

"Thanks, I didn't realize you were an expert on relationships."

"Well, I'm the one who has yet to be divorced," Serena said, raising her sunglasses to look at Blair. "Teasing, I'm teasing."

Blair glared at her before conceding, "Fine, you got me there. Besides, Dan's on the road almost for the next three months with the tour… so maybe I'll be healed after that." Blairs phone vibrated and she started to text back rapidly whoever was texting her.

"Ooooh," Serena teased. "Who's that? Loverboy?"

"Chuck," Blair responded curtly.

"Oh, not as fun."

"Definitely not as fun."


	10. Chapter 10

Three months.

Three months of texting, phone calls, and Skyping and the day was finally here.

Dan Humphrey was back in New York.

Blair followed her staff around and everything that they cleaned, she would do it again. Dusting, mopping, sweeping… everything was being done twice. She was going completely insane over this small visit. She was nervous, and Blair Waldorf didn't deal with nerves well. She felt like she was about to see a stranger and an old friend all at the same time. They had shared so much over those last three months using technology that Blair wasn't sure what they would say to each other when they arrived. They had talked about their pasts, their dating history (Blair didn't need to share much on that one for obvious reasons), their hopes, their dreams, their lives. And now she would be face to face with someone that she had gotten quite used to just seeing in a little screen on her computer. She wasn't sure what to do with the real life thing.

* * *

><p>Dan was scribbling down words frantically in his notebook. He wanted to get all these nerves and anticipation in writing before he saw her. Ten years of pining and this is what it was coming down to. What if they had nothing to talk about in person? What if the chemistry they had over texting didn't translate to real life? His pen was moving faster than he could think as he threw down words, in no particular order, on the page. If this was going to be it, he wanted to have enough material for a few albums. Who knew when he was going to feel these kind of nerves again?<p>

Dan looked out the plane window and saw the New York skyline.

He was home.

Normally, when he got off a plane, he would be greeted with his family with signs ready to embarrass him. This time, though, he had told Rufus he was coming by car the next day. It gave him and Blair a full night before he had to start his obligations with the other people in his life. He was home for a record amount of time this time, two months, before he was going to be flying out to LA to start working on a soundtrack for a movie that he was asked to do. Two months of New York and more importantly, he hoped, two months of Blair.

Bracing himself and holding on to his arm rests, Dan started to try to calm himself down. He wasn't a good flyer and with the nerves he was already experiencing from thinking about Blair, he was on edge more than usual. When the plane touched down and came to a stop, he took a breath out. He turned to his neighbor, who was a teenage girl who had convinced her dad to switch seats with her mid-flight and had been working on the courage to talk to Dan the entire rest of the flight, and smiled. "Welcome to New York," he told her as she was taking her phone from her seat back pocket.

"You're Dan Humphrey," was the girl's reply before forcing him into a selfie.

* * *

><p>Blair felt like she was at the beginning of Love Actually with all of the couples embracing around her in the airport. She stood against a pole and eyed where everyone was coming from, looking for the brown haired man that she couldn't get out of her mind. Blair smiled as she spotted him and began waving, a bit frantically, so he would get him to notice her.<p>

Dan spotted her and had to remind himself he was in a public place so he wouldn't run over to her, pick her up, and twirl her around. Instead, he gave her a small wave and walked slowly over to her. "Blair," he said, quietly.

Blair was disappointed that that was their hello. How anti-climatic. "Humphrey," she said in response, muttering it as he gave her a brief hug.

"Sorry, I don't want to make a scene," he said, leaning down into her. "The girl next to me knew who I was and I feel like, for your sake, better to not get ourselves plastered in some gossip site."

Blair nodded, relived that he hadn't somehow lost interest in her over the course of the flight. "Right, of course," she said. "Although, I'm a little offended that you don't want to be in gossip magazines with me." She looked at him and pouted, "Am I not good enough for the rumors, Dan?"

He laughed, putting his hand on the small of her back and leading her out of the airport. "Of course you are, but I just felt with Chuck being well being Chuck that it would be better if it was more discreet."

Blair nodded and knew he was right.

Chuck, although accepting the divorce, certainly wasn't taking it well. He had texted her every day since being served with papers proclaiming his love to her and all the ways he would do better. Blair, for the most part, didn't respond. She didn't want to encourage him to try harder because she was done. Her one response, which she regretted, was that if he had put half the effort into the marriage as he did sending her a daily text message then maybe they would have lasted. Chuck had taken that as a sign to move from text messages to showing up at their former apartment, that Blair was still residing in and planning on taking as part of their divorce agreement, regularly and ringing the doorbell until she answered and told him to go away. It had been a tough couple of months on top of the already draining divorce procedures, and Blair was glad that Dan had the wherewithal to think of the torture it might bring her if they were photographed together.

Blair led him to the car that was waiting for them and he opened the door for her. Blair slid on the leather seats to behind the driver seat and Dan came in after her, closing the door. As they were pulling away, Dan reached for her hand across the seat and Blair smiled in return.

"I've been looking forward to this for awhile," he said, leaning his head over to her. Blair met him in the middle and kissed him in return. Dan moved his arm around her back and pulled her to him, tangling his other hand in her hair. Blairs hand ran over his forearms as she leaned into the kiss.

"Seat belts," they heard from the front and could see the driver glaring at them in the mirror.

Blair and Dan locked eyes, quickly moving away from each other and putting their seat belts on. They started to laugh.

* * *

><p>"So this is my place," Blair said, opening the door to the apartment that Dan had been in twice already. "As you can see, it has a foyer… and a kitchen."<p>

Dan dropped his bag and walked up behind her, wrapping her arms around her torso, "And a bathroom and a living room and a dining room and a bedroom."

"Yes, all of those," she nodded, moving her head to the side as Dan kissed the skin on her neck.

"I've wanted to do this since I saw you in the airport," he said between kisses on her shoulder.

"What? Get an apartment tour?"

"Exactly," Dan said, letting her go. "Show me all of the rooms again."

Blair nodded, walking from the kitchen to the bathroom, "As I said, I have a bathroom."

"Very impressive."

She took his hand and pulled him into the living room that he had slept in, "And a couch. I've heard it's very comfortable for guests."

"I can attest to that," Dan said. "And what's upstairs?"

"Nothing of importance," she responded, leaning against the wall and tugged him towards her. She played with the buttons on his flannel shirt, undoing them slowly. "Just a bedroom with a lot of memories that I would prefer be avoided."

Dan nodded, "Noted."

Blair leaned up and kissed him, smiling as she did so. "I'm happy you are back in New York, Humphrey." She wrinkled her nose, "And, I have to admit, I was nervous the entire week up to today about you being here. But, so far, it's been better than expected."

Dan leaned in and kissed her softly. "I will admit to the same. I'm pleasantly surprised. I was thinking that maybe you decided to grow two heads or something."

She giggled as she embraced him and let her head rest on his chest. "Funny. I thought you were a musician not a comedian."

"Comedian but my day job is as a singer song-writer."

"Glad we cleared that up."

Dan's hands traced her back and rested on her upper thighs before lifting her up. Blair wrapped her legs around him, kissing his neck and ran her fingers up and down his arms. Dan's lips found hers and she remained happily pressed up against the wall as they kissed for a minute before she pointed to the couch.

As he was lowering her down to the couch and then making work of removing her tights, Blair looked up and started to laugh.

"Welcome back to New York, Humphrey."


	11. Chapter 11

Epilogue

"Dan, who's the ring for?" Blair asked, sitting on the couch of Dan's tour bus and looking at the jewelry box sitting on the table.

"Serena," he said, sitting next to her and resting his arm around her shoulders. "Drummer is proposing at tonight's show."

Blair nodded, "Cheesy. I hate the idea of public proposals. It seems like so much pressure to say yes. What if you don't want to say yes? What if you want to say no? I feel like it's humiliating for both the person doing the proposing and the person being proposed to."

Dan kissed the side of her head, "Well good thing I'm not the one proposing. I think Serena is going to love it. She's one for the flashy side of relationships. Although I'm not sure I, personally, count having sex every time we're in New York as a relationship."

"Oh really?" Blair said, turning. "Then what is this?"

"Well, I obviously come back to New York after tours. Such a difference, you see. They see each other conveniently and I actively seek out your company."

Blair nodded, "Oh yes, so different."

"Hey, isn't all my stuff now nestled into our apartment?"

"Yes, including the box of records that you will never listen to," she complained. "Can you please, at least, let me dump those?"

"No. There is a time and a place for every record."

"Maybe the time is now and the place is in the dumpster."

Dan laughed and nudged his elbow into her side, "I moved out of Brooklyn for you, let me have my records."

Blair bit her lip, "Fine. We just don't have as much space as we had in my last place."

"We're literally missing just a foot of space. I checked the plans of both places."

"A foot of space where that box could have gone."

"You are infuriating," he said, kissing her cheek.

"But you love me."

"I do," he nodded, standing up and stretching. "And I'm glad to have some time off after this show to spend time in our nice, new apartment."

Blair nodded, standing up and letting her arms rest on his shoulders, "I'm happy to have you home, Humphrey."

"I am happy to be home."

* * *

><p>"So, I recently, I have to admit," Dan told the crowd, "moved from Brooklyn to the Upper East Side with my girlfriend." There were boos in the crowd at the mention of the Upper East Side and Dan laughed into the microphone, winking to the side stage where Blair looked proudly on. "It's not as bad as you would expect. I never thought I would be saying that. Anyways, we moved in together recently after a year of dating and many more years of her being my muse, which looking back is super pathetic. Guys out there who are thinking of becoming song writers, move on from your crush from ten years ago. 9 out of 10 times it doesn't work and you just look pathetic. I guess I am the lucky case where while I still look pathetic, I still managed to somehow snag the girl of my dreams."<p>

The crowd starting aww-ing and Dan waved them off.

"So I would like to bring her out here for a special question."

Blair froze in place. They had just talked about how she didn't want a public proposal and wasn't one proposal enough for one night? She looked at Serena who was looking down at her new ring.

"Blair," he said, looking at the side and beckoning her to come out. He, walked to the other side of the stage and took something from an assistant and hit it behind his back.

Blair dragged her feet as she stepped on to the stage. She slightly hid her face from the audience as she walked towards Dan. "I'm going to kill you."

Dan smirked, getting on his knee and then pulling a Triangle from behind his back, "Blair, will you please accompany us on the triangle for the next song?" Dan pulled the mic from his mouth giving her a quick kiss on the cheek before whispering in her ear, "Come on, you think I would propose to you after that long discussion in the bus?" He leaned in and kissed her, "I love you."

Blair rolled her eyes before leaning in to kiss him again, "I love you, too."

"Please give a round of applause for my beautiful girlfriend, roommate and new band member, Blair Waldorf."

Blair smiled, giving a little curtsey while thinking that it had all come full circle. She was back here, at the same venue, where her life changed and she wouldn't have changed a thing.


End file.
